Posted on October 23rd, 2022

Being kind to yourself may not come easy — but research shows that practicing self-compassion has many benefits for your mental health.

If you tend to judge yourself harshly, criticize your thoughts and actions, or blame yourself for small mistakes, know that you’re not alone. Harmful self-talk is second nature for many people and it can have a major toll on your self-worth.

“It can be difficult to have self-compassion — even when you’re compassionate to others — because we tend to have a higher expectation of ourselves,” says Elizabeth Fedrick, PhD, LPC, a licensed psychotherapist based in Gilbert and Phoenix, Arizona.

Research by Kristin Neff, PhD — a leading expert in self-compassion — has shown that people who practice being kinder to themselves are less likely to be anxious, stressed, and depressed. They’re also more likely to be happy and optimistic about the future.

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion means responding to yourself with understanding and kindness when you make a mistake, rather than judging yourself. It means extending to yourself the same kindness and grace you would offer others.

Having compassion for yourself is no different from having compassion for others, writes Dr. Neff.

“Self-compassion […] is about recognizing that we are doing the best we can with what we know and what we have, and demonstrating patience and understanding for that,” says Fedrick.

There are many ways to practice self-compassion, such as through:

• journaling
• positive self-talk
• self-compassion meditation
• challenging your inner critic

Below, we look at some of the key benefits you can gain from self-compassion.

1. Self-soothing

On a physiological level, self-compassion may help you calm your nervous system to reduce anxiety and stress.

You may have noticed that kind words or supportive touch from a friend can soothe you when you’re feeling activated. Offering warm feelings of care to yourself may have a similar effect.

Dr. Neff writes that, like receiving compassion from others, self-compassion can trigger the release of oxytocin. This chemical increases feelings of trust, safety, and calm.

On the other hand, self-criticism can feel like a threat, leading the body to engage in fight, flight, or freeze responses. Turning toward compassion instead of judgment may help soothe these responses.

2. Better self-esteem

It’s easy to fall into the habit of relying on others to improve your self-esteem — but offering yourself kind words can give you a powerful boost too.

“Self-compassion is often directly tied to positive self-talk and being able to give ourselves grace and understanding for human mistakes,” says Fedrick.

It helps to step back and look at your mistakes as something external to you instead of a reflection of who you are. It’s easier to view yourself more positively from that perspective.

When you catch yourself thinking “I am a failure,” consider reframing the thought in a more compassionate way, such as, “I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. This one situation does not define me.”

3. Higher life satisfaction

When mistakes don’t feel as overwhelming and you’re spending less time being self-critical, you have more time to enjoy your life, says Fedrick

“When we can view mistakes and setbacks as areas of growth and learning opportunities, instead of as a negative reflection of our character, we often feel much better about our lives overall,” she adds.

Less time spent picking apart your flaws and dwelling on mistakes ultimately means more time for the things you love to do and the people you love to spend time with.

4. More fulfilling relationships

“Self-compassion often leads to more fulfilling relationships because the kinder and more patient we are with ourselves, ultimately the kinder and more patient we can be with others,” says Fedrick.

With the benefits that come with self-compassion — like improved life satisfaction, self-esteem, and self-awareness — you can show up in your relationships with greater joy and optimism. You may find that being more at ease with yourself improves your relationships with others, too.

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